Picture this, you meet an amazing person who meets your every description of an ideal mate. They’re attractive, witty, successful, and don’t automatically change the channel when Grey’s Anatomy comes on. There’s just one problem, the sex is mediocre if not bland. Believe it or not, there was a time when I use to think a person always climaxed during intercourse. What’s worse, I actually believed both partners orgasmed simultaneously. Blame it one the one too many rom-coms I’ve watched throughout the years.
Imagine my surprise when neither of the above rang true. As shocking as it may sound, not everyone is presented with a happy ending after intercourse. Sure, the planets may align and the chemistry is on point, but there aren’t any sparks within the bedroom. What’s a girl to do? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. You’d be surprised at how many couples are dealing with the exact same dilemma. Now, I’m not a certified psychologist so I’m not going to pretend that I have all the answers. I’m merely speaking through experience, and believe me when I tell you that I have yet to encounter a situation which cannot be solved through talking.
We woman live in an era where voicing our opinions is encouraged. However, when it comes to sex, it seems as though we’ve arrived at a roadblock. Although it may not be the case for all women, it does happen more often that you think. Perhaps the reason for this is because we’re so concerned about injuring our partners’ ego that we surrender our own. Sex shouldn’t be some black and white discussion. In fact, sex shouldn’t be anything but colorful. When we forgo the opportunity to voice our concerns- not only within the bedroom but in general- it can quickly lead to dissatisfaction within a relationship, ultimately leading to a breakup.
The more honest you are with your partner the more comfortable you can continue to be with them. Start with a casual check in. If you’re not satisfied with your partner’s performance in the bedroom, bring it up during a casual chat over coffee or dinner. Or, during the heat of the moment, drop a playful hint. For instance, “that feels amazing but you know what would feel even better?” Discussing what you want in bed shouldn’t have to play out like a business meeting. This is your significant other, not a potential business partner.
I also feel that before you enter into a relationship with any individual, you should be up front from the beginning. Over a glass of wine, discuss what you don’t and do like in the bedroom so that when the moment finally happens, you’re both not left wandering in the dark. Also, if you do like something your partner is doing to you, say it. That way, he or she will know to continue doing it in the future. Last but not least, you have to remember that the human ego is extremely delicate. It merely takes one wrong word to shatter it within a minute. Remember to always remain positive even if the experience wasn’t the best. I’m saying to lie about climaxing, merely mind your vocabulary. For instance, if you didn’t like something your partner did, try explaining it without sounding negative. Try “I really enjoyed myself last night. Maybe we can go a little slower tonight? I love when you take your time with me”
Always mirror a negative with a positive. More importantly, don’t remain silent. If you’re not enjoying something, speak up. Remember, there are two people in the relationship. It’s not fair if only one of you is satisfied.